Fledgeling
by SirIntegrity
Summary: Integra is left for dead in an alleyway, unable to remember the events of the last twenty-four hours. Determined for revenge, she goes in search of the master who ruined her life. R&R please.
1. I die

I had no recollection of how long I had been there, how I had gotten there, or even what had happened that day. But there I was, staring blankly at a brick wall, too exhausted to even blink, and it was getting late.

It didn't take long for me to realize that something was horribly wrong. I had to keep reminding myself to breath. I didn't feel my heart beating in my chest. But I knew I had to get up. I had to get somewhere safe and dry. The rain was starting to come down harder.

With some effort, I sat up. Why was I in an alleyway in the rain? Why was I utterly exhausted? Why couldn't I remember anything? I rubbed at my temples. I had a headache as well.

"Sir Integra! Sir Integra!" I heard Seras call for me. I couldn't summon the energy to yell back to her. My throat was sore. Perhaps I was getting a cold.

Seras did find me. She sighed in relief.

"Sir Integra, what are you doing sitting in an alleyway in the rain?" She asked me, carelessly walking through the puddles of rain.

"I don't know," My voice was raspy and weak. Seras kneeled beside me.

"We were getting worried, thinking that something had happened to-" She stopped mid-sentence when I looked at her, a horrified expression on her face.

"Sir Integra..." she murmured.

"What?" I demanded. I looked down at myself.

The front of my blouse was dribbled by blood, the first few buttons undone. I moved towards a rain puddle.

My eyes were red. Deep red. Blood red. I felt my hand start to shake. No, no it couldn't be.

"No," I murmured. Seras set her hand on my shoulder.

"I'm...sorry," she choked. As tired as I was, I began to cry. Tears of blood.


	2. I test my wings

I felt as though I had been raped, my humanity stolen from me against my strongest fighting will. The very thing I hated the most, the very being I had sworn to wipe off the face of the earth I now was. My worst nightmare had come true.

Seras half-carried, half-dragged me back to headquarters. It was embarrassing to be so weak, but everytime I tried to walk on my own, Seras wouldn't let me.

"You need to relax. You just came back from the dead," she said lightheartedly, trying to hide her pity. Don't you dare pity me! I wanted to scream at her. I don't need you, above anyone, pitying me!

I pushed off of her as we approached the front gate. I dreaded going inside. Chances were I wouldn't be able to slip past Walter or Alucard undetected. Even if I somehow did, I would have to face them eventually. A few curious soldiers glanced at us as they walked by. I hid my eyes from them.

As I had predicted, Walter crossed my path like a symbolic black cat, looking rather distracted. He brightened at the sight of us.

"Miss Victoria! Thank goodness you brought her home safely!" He exclaimed, smiling. He rested his hand on my shoulder, "We were so worried about you, Sir Integra, when you didn't return from your dinner meeting," I turned to him and looked him directly in the eyes.

He backed away, a look of sheer horror in his eyes.

"Sir..." He began, but trailed off.

"I'll be up in my office. I don't wish to be disturbed," I instructed, climbing up the stairs. Not like that would keep Alucard away.

"Yes, Miss Integra," Walter said, bowing. Instead of going straight to my office, I went to my bathroom to take a shower.

The water felt hot nor cold to me. It just felt like...water, no matter how extreme I made the temperature. I focused on massaging my scalp, working the soap and wet hair in circular motions as I piled it on the top of my head. I couldn't decide on one emotion to stick to; one minute I was furious, the next I was depressed, and then the next I just felt tired. Exhausted. Weak. I scrubbed at the blood stains on my skin as though trying to erase the image of the look of horror on Walter's face. He had never looked at me that way before.

Trying to concentrate on paperwork right now would be a waste of effort, I realized as I lay face up on my bed, wrapped up in a thick, fuzzy towel, my wet hair radiating from my head like Medusa's snakes. My Type A personality was kicking in, going through the facts like a list.

Some bastard had bitten me during a time it would be safe for vampires to come out, wiped my memory of the entire day, and then left me, most likely because I was a random victim despite my high authority. He, for a female would have turned me into a ghoul, would have stuck around if he had created me for a reason.

Created. Bitten. Victim. It sounded like the vocabulary from a monster movie. But wasn't that what I now was, no longer an innocent human but a blood-sucking fiend? What was I going to do with myself now? I was such a disgrace to my family.

Well, the honorable thing to do would be to kill myself. One less vampire haunting the world. But I had little desire to drive a stake through my heart, and even less desire to leave Hellsing without a leader. No, no matter how despicable or horrific I had become, I wouldn't commit suicide. In fact, I had about an eternity now to carry on the Hellsing family's crusade against the dark forces.

Listen to me. A vampire killing vampires in the name of God. I was more hypocritical than any of my undead soldiers. But even with the hypocracy, I wasn't going to change more than I could help.

I stood back up and changed into some comfortable night wear, but I was no where near going to sleep. As tired as my body was, my new instincts were starting to kick in. I could hear whispers from down the hall, but didn't bother to listen harder to try to figure out who it was. I had just now realized that I was seeing without my glasses, perfectly, for the first time since I was six. At least there were perks to eternal damnation.

I walked into my office and sat in my desk, feeling slightly better about the situation. Then my eyes strayed to the portrait of my father, his gaze fixed on me. I had made it that way shortly after his death, to have a sense that he was watching over me.

Now the only sense I had was of shame.

"Don't look at me that way, Father. I couldn't help it," I pleaded. A cold shiver rode down my spine.

I only got that sensation before Alucard appeared.

"Talking to inanimate objects is a sign of insanity," Alucard commented.

"I wasn't talking to inanimate objects; I was thinking out loud," I corrected him, glancing down at the paperwork on my desk.

"You know, the polite thing to do would be to tell someone if you are going to disappear for several hours," he feigned sounding hurt.

"I'll make a note of that next time I pass out in an alley," I muttered.

"Your skin..." He said, trying to hide his shock. I looked at my hand.

"What about it?"

"It may be winter, but you've never been as pale as now," he moved towards my desk. I inched away as inconspicously as I could.

He reached over and, gently yet firmly, grasped my chin between his thumb and pointer finger. I resisted him as he tilted my head up.

I looked him in the eyes, seeing no way out of this. Alucard kept a consciously emotionless face, releasing me.

"I'm sorry," Was his response.

"You're not sorry," I spat. His eyes glinted as a corner of his mouth turned up.

"I'm trying to be, but what am I supposed to be sorry about? That I didn't have the balls to do it myself? Master, you know it's hard for me to be sympathetic."

"I've never asked for your sympathy, and I do wish you had the balls to have done it," I said the last part quietly. He shook his head.

"You don't mean it. Only the darkest, smallest part of you ever even considered being a vampire."

"What I meant was that if I was destined to become a vampire, I wish that it, that I wasn't..."

"Just another meal?" He finished. I nodded.

"What meaning did you think it would hold if I bit you?"

As usual when I didn't know the answer to one of Alucard's riddles, I treated it as a rhetorical question and turned back to my work.

It was a beautiful night, I thought as I looked out my office window the next night. I felt better after the day of sleep, except for my hand. Somehow, it had found a ray of sun that had passed through the shade's guard and had severely burned it. However, the burn had healed within an hour, leaving only a slight redness to show for my blunder. I had to admit, though, it wasn't completely terrible being a vampire. But everytime I had those positive thoughts, I loathed myself for them. I was supposed to be hating this. I was supposed to be miserable.

But the thirst was miserable. The back of my throat was dry and sore. I had a throbbing headache that got worse every time the lights got bright.

An urge I hadn't felt since I was a young girl swelled up inside of me. I was dying to see how powerful I was, find my limits while testing the boundaries.

I wanted to explore.

On an impulse, I opened the window and stepped onto the windowsill. I undid my tie and shrugged off my blazer, setting both on my office chair. I decided I was going to take the night off from being Sir Integra.

I jumped down, surprising myself by my grace and ability to avoid Walter's prized rose bushes. I glanced around, but found no one who had seen what I had done. I took off at a brisk jog, glancing warily around for passerbys. It was while I was glancing that I got stuck in the wall.

As if jumping down from my window wasn't shocking enough behavior, I found myself actually going _through_ the brick wall that surrounded the mansion. Apparently shocked was the key emotion for getting stuck. From my waist and up I was on the other side of the wall. However, my waist down was trapped inside the wall. It was painful, the compressed cement and brick on my legs. I tugged, but I didn't move an inch. I tried harder, but I didn't budge.

Oh great. This was the last thing I needed; to be stuck inside a wall just waiting for someone to walk by and snicker at me...

As though someone had pressed the "play" button on a remote somewhere, I stumbled out of the wall. Apparently phasing through walls wasn't a thinking skill, rather an involuntary technique.

I continued jogging through the woods that were next to the road leading out towards the city. I moved into a run, and then as fast as I could. The ground felt like it was slipping from under me. I panicked and stopped on a dime. I recomposed myself and started running again. It felt...exhilirating, the speed. Like sticking my head out the window of an airplane.

I glanced at a car beside me. It looked almost stationary compared to me. I turned back to look where I was going...and found myself running up a street lamp. I went shooting off the top, flipping over and landing on my feet on the ledge of a nearby roof. The shock was enough to have me gasping for air. Apparently my body hadn't quite accepted the concept that I didn't need to breathe.

No, I wasn't on a roof. I was on the top of a bus, and had landed so lightly that no one had been alerted. How I knew this was beyond me. I found myself smiling, watching the busy streets move from under me. They were completely unaware of me or how slow they were compared to me, how... What was I thinking? I had been one of them only yesterday morning and now I was thinking like the very kind of vampire I hated the most. How inferior humans were to me. How truly weak I had been before.

Could my attitude about everything change so suddenly?

I jumped off the bus and ran off, weaving through the other cars like it was nothing. Seras hadn't been this powerful, still wasn't this powerful, when she had first become a fledgeling. And Alucard was her master! Who was more powerful than he?

I continued to chew over my thoughts as I tested my wings; running at incredible speeds, phasing through obstacles, wall-to-wall jumping to get to the rooftops and then jumping from rooftop to rooftop, smelling and listening to things I hadn't noticed before. I was so much more aware of everything, felt so much more when I was supposed to be feeling less. It was like everything I had ever heard about vampires was true, but all of it was a myth at the same time. Was I the only one so confused by my thoughts, or would others be confused if they knew?

A scent entered my nostrils as I rested, crouched within the branches of a tree back outside of the city boundaries. It was the most wonderful smell I had ever smelt; sweet, bitter, salty, metallic, inviting, foreboding, altogether completely wonderful and revolting. Absolutely irresistable.

It was coming from a young woman, her eyes wide in terror as she clutched her bleeding arm.

"Next time I won't miss," A man clothed in all black, from his ski mask to his boots, approached her, a pistol in hand.

She was shaking, whimpering as he reached towards her. He unzipped her jacket.

"Stop!" I yelled. Both of their heads jerked my direction, but they apparently didn't see me as clearly as I could see them.

He continued to advance towards her and I nearly threw up. I couldn't sit by and watch this, no matter how low I was supposed to be keeping my cover. I jumped down from the tree.

"Get away from her!" I yelled again. The girl looked relieved. The man smirked.

"Yeah, and what are you going to do about it?" He reached for her and I lost it.

In a heartbeat, I had closed the distance between me and them, lunging at the man. He fell to the ground and I heard/felt a sickening crunch underneath me. The air emptied out of him and his eyes stared blankly upwards. The girl looked down in horror.

"Go!" I roared. She retreated back towards the city.

I had snapped his sternum, collar bone, and the majority of his ribs, causing internal bleeding and instant death. Again, how I knew these things was a mystery.

The heavenly and sickening scent of blood drifted up through his open mouth. I started salivating, licking my lips hungrily. No, no, no, no, no, no! I couldn't! Not yet! Giving in to my thirst would destroy the last shred of humanity I had.

But it would be a shame to waste it, especially after killing the pervert. I wasn't one for wasting perfectly good food, and I knew eventually I'd have to surrender. Might as well get everything done with at once, I decided as I bent down and sunk my fangs into his neck.

Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness, oh my goodness, oh my goodness. What had I been missing out my entire life? I drank hungrily, trying to ignore the voice in my head reminding me how wrong this was. If I was going to hell, I was going on a full stomach.

"Over here!" I jerked up, hearing the girl's voice. There were officers with her now. She must have called the police.

I panicked and ran, leaving the body behind.

I was still on edge when I returned back to the mansion. I took a shower, twice, and brushed my teeth half a dozen times. What had I done? What had I done? I cried in frustration. I had killed him and even though he was going to do something terrible to that poor girl, it was an unforgivable crime. And then I drank his blood. Drank. His. Blood.

It wasn't a fair comparison, but I felt like Moses when he had killed the Egyptian. Sure he had been beating a slave, but had he deserved to die? The guilt wouldn't go away. It never would.

Walter was delivering a report on my desk when I came in. He looked up at me, his old eyes sad and disgusted.

"Was it you, Miss Integra?" I looked away.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Walter," I muttered.

I looked up at the portrait of my father. He was glaring at me.

"I think you know exactly what I'm talking about. That man in the woods with the girl. You killed him, didn't you?"

"I didn't mean to. I jumped on him, to pin him, and he...broke underneath me."

"And you drank his blood because you felt guilty for killing him," Walter finished, knowing me well enough. I nodded, "You left him there."

"The police were coming while I was feeding. What was I supposed to do?" I snapped.

"Certainly something. He woke up as a ghoul in the autopsy room. Luckily, a paranormal expert was in the room and disposed of him."

"It won't happen again," I vowed. He looked me in the eyes for a long time and then turned away.

"It's not like you to be so careless, especially towards the undead. It worries me."

"It won't happen again," I repeated, walking out the door. Maybe watching a little TV would help me feel normal again.

Alucard's laughter rose up from the den. Despite the warning, I walked in anyway.

He looked at me, a gleam in his eye.

"You caught me off guard, and that, my master, is not an easy task," Without so much as glancing at the TV, he pressed play, "I thought you'd like to see how the incident has been interpreted."

A brunette reporter was standing in the area where I had killed the man only an hour ago.

"I'm here at the scene where a serial killer's rampage ended tonight. The killer, Jacob Black, was convicted of 23 cases of rape murders before he died from internal bleeding from a sudden impact, shattering several bones in his body. We're here with his almost victim, young Alicia Jones. Miss Jones, can you tell me what exactly happened?" The camera focused on the young girl in the woods, the one whose blood caught my attention.

"I was going for a walk; my stepdad and I got into a bad fight and I needed some time to cool off. Out of the blue, a gun went off and hit me in the arm. I guess the gunshot got someone's attention, because as he was coming towards me, I heard someone scream, "Stop! Get away from her!" She took a shaky breath.

"I don't know who it was, or even if it was a girl or a guy, but they charged outta nowhere and tackled him. I was frozen; like I thought that God would actually send someone to save me. Then they yelled, "Go!" and I went. If they're watching this, I want them to know that I really am grateful for what you did. You, you're a hero," the reporter took the microphone back and the recording stopped.

"It's not often a vampire is considered a hero," Alucard remarked with a snicker. I sighed and stormed away.

He caught up with me easily.

"And what are you upset with now? That she couldn't tell that you were a girl?" I stopped and wheeled around.

"I killed that man, Alucard! I don't care how terrible he was, I killed him and took his blood! I didn't even properly dispose of him! I was so careless and, and blood-thirsty!" Alucard frowned.

"It was either kill him or let him go on killing. You chose the lesser of two evils," I shook my head.

"You wouldn't understand, the struggle that is going on within me between good and evil. I feel...I don't even know what I feel anymore."

"Perhaps you and Seras should have a talk," he mused. I sighed, staying silent a long time.

Then, I looked into his eyes.

"It didn't take any effort. All I did was jump on him and...he...broke...and...died," I said quietly.

Alucard reached up and gently touched the right side of my jaw bone.

"Humans are extremely fragile, more fragile than they can comprehend. Thank God you're not human anymore; now I don't have to constantly watch you."


	3. I meet Roxie and Jagger

Disclaimer: I only own Roxie and Jagger. Decided that I need to start putting disclaimers before I get sued...

The mystery of my master was irritating me. I kept telling myself it didn't matter, but somehow in the back of my mind was the belief that it wasn't just a random attack. If it was really was so random, then why had they bothered to wipe my memory?

I walked back to the alleyway, which seemed incredibly sluggish compared to the run I had the other night. It was almost like I was sneaking up on it; ready to jump out and yell, "Got you, you little bastard!" if he was there.

Surprise, surprise, the alley was vacant, devoid of anything that suggested vampirism.

I scanned the surrounding area. It was a rather private, nearly abandoned area. There were some shops and an Italian restaurant at the end, but nothing else. Not a single flash of memory went through my mind beyond the time I went to one of those boutiques to find a gift for a relative for her birthday (Walter insisted; I really didn't care for her but apparently she thought very highly of me).

I glanced out of my peripheal vision. Someone was watching me from the shadows across the street. I turned around. Large red eyes glowed like a cat's in the dark.

"What were you expecting to find?" A child's voice called, coming from the pair of glowing eyes.

She crossed the street and came into the light of a nearby shop. She was very young, looked no more than twelve, and couldn't have weighed more than 65 pounds soaking wet. Her black hair was cut in a short bob and her eyes looked large compared to the rest of her pale face. Her outfit was interesting to say the least; the maroon sweatshirt she was wearing was several sizes too large, hanging onto her small body like if Alucard would drape his coat over a preschooler. She had a knee-length denim skirt with patches of random fabric sewn on haphazardly. Fishnet stockings adorned her legs, and on her feet were black ballet shoes.

"Were you watching me?" I hissed, half angry at her watching me, half angry at myself for not noticing her earlier.

She nodded.

"I was curious about how you were going to cope with this. It's not every day a Hellsing gets turned into a vampire."

"So the news is spreading," I muttered. She shook her head.

"Not very rapidly. Jagger's been trying to keep it on the down low for you, says you're already going through enough as it is. Only way I know was because I watched him," she extended her hand, "I'm Roxie." Somehow, I managed to find her hand deep in her sleeve.

"Integra," she snickered.

"I know who you are. Every smart vampire does. But I didn't think you had heard of me."

"What did you say about watching him?" I backtracked. Roxie gave me a what-does-this-have-to-do-with-anything look.

"I watched it when your master bit you."

"So you know who my master is?" She nodded, "Then who is he?" She snorted.

"Heck no, I'm not risking my neck just so you can know who your master is. He said that if I told you, he'd kill me," I sighed.

"He doesn't need to know that you were the one to tell me. I'll just say I figured it out myself," she shook her head.

"Sorry, Sir Integra, but you will have to figure it out yourself," she cocked her head to the side, "But I suppose there's no harm in helping you," she grabbed my hand, "What do you want to go do?"

"Well, I really ought to get back to my office, I have mounds of paperwork..."

"Oh, please! I can show you all kinds of techniques and show you the underground-"

"Roxie!" We both twisted around to see a new vampire storming towards us.

He looked only a couple years older than Roxie, with shaggy golden brown hair messily arranged on his head. It looked like he had attempted to fix the chaos with some gel, but the hair had broken free. He had on a black, yellow, and white striped polo shirt with black jeans jingling with chains attached to the sides. He had on what I recognized as the latest fad of footwear; flat sole shoes with large laces that weren't tied. His red eyes glared in turn at both of us.

"Jagger!" She cried, letting go of my hand instantly and going to his side.

"I told you not to associate with her!"

"But, master, she needs someone to guide her."

"Isn't that what her pet is for?" He hissed and then shook his head, "And then, to start talking about the underground, to a Hellsing nonetheless!"

"She's one of us now."

"You think that matters to her?! You are far too trusting for your own good!" He glared at me. I glared back at him, managing to stop my lips from curling up.

"Go back to where you belong, Integra, and don't return," he growled, taking Roxie by the arm and leading her away.

Roxie turned around and mouthed _good-bye_. I was too shocked to say anything in return.

That Jagger kid knew nothing about me. How could he judge me so easily?

&

"Something the matter?" Alucard asked as he passed by my office. I sighed.

"I found a witness, but she was sworn to secrecy. Other than that, I have no leads as to who my master could be," Alucard chuckled.

"You seem to care a lot as to who your master is when it doesn't matter. What happened, happened. It's in the past now," I shook my head.

"You couldn't understand. You were the first; you had no master that bit you. You chose your path," he walked into my office.

"Are you saying you want revenge against your master?" He asked. I smirked.

"So you smell blood, do you?" I shuffled some papers around, sorting them into piles, "I want to meet him, want to ask him why he killed me. Depending on his answer, I'll decide whether it's worth killing him over."

"Integra," I looked up at him. His eyes were pitying, "You'll have more luck at getting a man pregnant than finding your master. Don't waste your effort," I laughed.

"You'd be amazed what surgery nowadays can do."

&

I went for a walk the next night; I was beginning to see why Alucard liked moon-gazing so much. It was a nice peace in the middle of chaos. My thirst was coming back; apparently that man was only enough to ward off the thirst for a few days. I was a little nervous about asking to share; Seras had a poor taste in blood and Alucard hated sharing his hoard. He nearly had a fit everytime Seras ran out and asked for some of his.

"I'm sorry for last night," The voice startled me. I turned around.

"Roxie! How did you find me?" She shrugged.

"I'm good with thought waves," she came and stood by my side, "Jagger's overprotective, especially with me. Though it was kind of weird how strongly he reacted to you."

"I'm used to overprotection," I said, thinking of Alucard, "You said something about him being your master?" She nodded, a happy grin lighting up her face.

"Yes, Jagger's my master, and I've remained his fledgeling. We're soul mates," she held out her hand to display her wedding ring, "Going on twenty-six years now," I admired it. It was a strange thought that these two children had been married longer than I had been alive, but looks were deceiving with the immortal.

That happy grin remained as she played with her ring.

"When I saw him for the first time, my heart nearly exploded. I felt like I couldn't live another moment without him. Five seconds later, he bit me. Right there in that convenience store by the restrooms. He told me later that he just knew he wanted to spend the rest of eternity with me. Isn't that romantic?" She looked at me, "What about you? You have a soul mate?" I shook my head.

"No."

"You're lying," I stared at her.

"How would you know?"

"You're thinking about Alucard right now," she said in a mocking tone. I rolled my eyes.

"Alucard is not my soul mate."

"He's the only man you've ever loved. You feel if he ever left you, a part of you would die. You're even jealous of his fledgeling."

"Shut up. Stop reading my mind."

"So you admit that you feel that way about him?" I broke away from her eyes.

"It doesn't mean we're soul mates."

&

I turned on my computer, ready to distract myself from what Roxie had said. It wasn't like I was around men my own age, and girlhood crushes happen. Of course a part of me would die if he left; he was as close a friend to me as Walter. I might be jealous of Seras in certain aspects, but not of her being his fledgeling. This didn't mean I thought he was my soul mate.

I opened up my schedule.

"Have a nice walk, Miss Integra?" Walter asked me, a file in hand.

"Yes, thank you," I murmured, looking to see what needed to be done.

"You still seem distracted," he commented, opening my file cabinet and setting the file inside. I sighed.

"Walter, do you believe in soul mates?"

"Excuse me?"

"That we are placed on this earth incomplete, and will be incomplete until we find that one individual that completes us totally?" He paused, chewing over it.

"I'm not sure, to be honest. I've never had such an experience before myself, but it seems possible," I took a deep breath.

"What about Alucard? Do you think he believes in soul mates?" Walter laughed and then nodded.

"His religion is destiny, the basic principle that everything happens for a reason. I am sure he believes in soul mates. Why the question about beliefs?" I shook my head.

"Just trying to figure out whether vampires choose their fledgelings based on soul mates," he looked at me as though I had completely lost my mind.

"Are you inferring that Alucard and Seras are soul mates?"

"It was just a thought," I defended, flipping back through the past week to make sure I hadn't missed anything important.

Walter hesitated before speaking.

"I noticed you were talking to a young girl earlier. A young _vampire_ girl."

"I can't help it. She seems to have become attached to me."

"I'm just worried about you mixing with the wrong company," he confided. I chuckled.

"Any company would be a step up from Alucard," I muttered. He smirked.

"I'm only saying you ought to be careful with who you're associating with. It seems that their social structure is the same as ours...except for those on the low end of the totem pole have a tendency to get eaten."

"I won't get eaten, Walter," I promised. He smiled and then left.

I came to the date of the night I had been bitten. Glancing down, I had apparently been very busy that day. And then, at 6:00 p.m., in bold red letters were the words, "Dinner with Maxwell, Discuss Treaty, Sergio's".

Wasn't Sergio's the Italian restaurant on the block where I had woken up?

I shook my head. I wasn't going to get any information from him, and only embarrassment and possible death could come from meeting with him about that dinner. Pushing the thought back, I went to tomorrow's date to see what I had planned.

In bold red letters were the words, "Convention of 12 meeting, 11:00 a.m."


	4. I come to terms

Disclaimer: I only own Roxie and Jagger.

I almost turned off my alarm when it went off. It was way too early to get up. I glanced at the numbers. How ironic that if I had slept in until 9 a.m. when I was human I would've been seriously ill or exhausted to near death.

I forced myself out of bed and did my usual routine, praying all the while for a cloudy, rainy day. But when I peeked out my bedroom window... I screamed, clutching at my eyes. Nothing should be that bright! Maybe I should call in sick, wait for a meeting that was in the evening... No, I had promised myself that being a vampire wouldn't change me more than it had to. Even if I spontaneously combusted upon impact of the sun's rays, I was going to try to get to that meeting.

I put on a hat with a brim, applied the strongest sunscreen I could find in the mansion, found a pair of respectable looking sunglasses, and grabbed a small black umbrella. I laughed at myself when I looked in the mirror, straightened my tie, and went down to go meet Walter.

"Sir Integra, I really don't think you should be doing this. You're likely to disintegrate into a pile of dust before the Convention's very eyes," Walter tried to dissuade me.

"What do you think all of these things are for? A lovely vacation to the beach? I'll protect myself," I promised him. He looked at me a long time, but decided it wasn't worth his breath.

"I parked inside the garage and took the liberty of tinting the windows," he said, leading me to the garage. I got into the backseat as he got into the driver's.

Even through my sunglasses and eyelids, the light from the windshield stung but at least none of me was burning. I wondered for the first time why the sunlight so affected vampires. Even with low SPF, it wouldn't kill them that quickly. Walter asked me once if I was comfortable, but otherwise we were silent. He kept his eyes sternly on the road, his jaw set and his hands clenched around the steering wheel.

He stopped in front of Sir Penwood's mansion (the meeting place was based on rotation) as close to the front as he possibly could and then turned to look at me.

"Alucard makes it seem easy, makes everything seem easy, but the fact is that if you're in the sunlight for more than two seconds, you're toast. Please, Sir Integra, reconsider. I'll call them, explain the situation-"

"Walter," I said softly. He stared at me a long time, and then turned back around.

I opened the car door. I felt the sting even through my clothes. I dashed out as fast as I could, dropping my umbrella in the process, and sprinted for the shade of the porch.

It took everything in my body to stay standing once I made it. A thousand little knives pressed into every inch of my skin. But I had made it. I hadn't spontaneously combusted. After a minute of leaning against the wall, I gathered myself and walked inside.

A brunette maid came scurrying out of nowhere.

"May I take your hat?" She asked. I gave it to her and she beckoned me to follow her, "They've all been waiting for you," she said. Because it just wouldn't be a completely horrible day without coming in late.

She led me to the meeting room, and then left me to face them on my own.

I hesitated, but removed my sunglasses. How many times had I told Alucard to do the same when there had been company over? His answer was always the same; "No one wants to look into a pair of red glowing eyes". And I had always just told him it was rude in return, because he was right but I didn't want to admit it. I opened the door and all conversations ceased.

"Excuse my tardiness; traffic out of London was terrible," I murmured, my eyes carefully trained towards the ground as I took my seat. Luckily the room was nice and dark.

"We were just discussing budget cuts," Sir Irons said irritably. Great, it was even my favorite topic.

No one noticed, or at least said anything, thankfully. I kept my eyes down during the entire meeting, speaking only as much as I needed to. But that did not save me from the typical after meeting social talk.

"Sir Integra, you're not wearing your glasses. Did you get contacts?" Sir Irons asked me. Was this his sad attempt at a joke?

I accidentally (or subconsciously purposely?) looked him in the eyes. He jumped back.

"Wha, what happened?!" He stuttered. I pulled my sunglasses out of my pocket.

"Well, it is an occupational hazard," I joked, putting them on, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to be going," With that, I walked away.

I wished, I wished that I couldn't hear them, but I did. Sir Irons announcing to everyone that I was now a vampire. Them gossiping about what could have happened, many blaming Alucard. All of them agreed, though, that this wouldn't have happened if I had been married.

Because apparently being a ghoul was more acceptable than being a vampire.

&

I tried to go back to sleep, and almost succeeded, when Walter knocked gently at my door.

"Yes?" I grumbled.

"Father Maxwell is here to see you."

"Tell Maxwell to go jump off a bridge," I hissed.

"Miss Integra, I know you're already humiliated and have slept very little, but he came all the way from Vatican City to check on you," I sighed.

"In that case, tell him that I will be down in a few minutes," I forced myself to sit up. I hadn't even changed out of my clothes after the meeting.

I slipped on my shoes and blazer, smoothing the sleep wrinkles out of my pants and blouse. I ran a brush through my hair, did a final check in the mirror, and then decided he wouldn't be judging my appearance as sharply today.

He was talking casually to Walter when I came down. He looked surprisingly relieved to see me.

"Integra! When I didn't hear back from you about my proposal, I was worried that something had happened to you," I laughed at the irony.

"Well, I had my memory wiped, so forgive me for not getting back to you."

Maxwell's eyes widened in horror.

"What have you done?!" He exclaimed.

"Nothing, and maybe that's where I went wrong. It happened the night we apparently met at Sergio's; I was attacked and left for dead," I could tell by the expression on his face he was expecting something different, such as me choosing this path.

"You don't remember anything?" He asked. I shook my head.

"Nothing from the night before until, well, I came back alive," he pursed his lips.

"I knew letting you go home alone was a poor idea, especially with those two vampires hanging around."

"Two vampires?"

"Yes, a young girl and boy. They both looked like little street punks-"

"Let me guess; the girl seemed younger than the boy, short black hair, large sweatshirt with fishnet stockings and black ballerina shoes. The boy had wild, shaggy golden blonde hair with a yellow, black, and white striped polo shirt and jeans with chains on the side."

"Yes...I thought you didn't remember anything," he said suspiciously.

"I've run into them," I forced the information into the back of my mind. I couldn't do anything until at least sundown, "So, what were you here about? A proposal?"

Dealing with Maxwell took a good majority of the rest of the day, as such affairs between two stubborn opposing sides do. I took a nap, and then headed out.

As routine as a bowel removement, Roxie trotted up behind me.

"Hey, 'Teggie, I heard about this blood drive in downtown. Want to go; I have connections?"

"First of all, don't you dare ever call me 'Teggie again. Ever. Second, that blood is meant for humans. Third, what other vampires were out?"

"What?"

"Do you know what other vampires were out that night I died hunting in that area?" She shoved her hands into her sweatshirt pockets, looking and walking away.

"Like I know. I'm not _that_ popular in the underground," I spun her around.

"Listen, I've tried to figure this out on my own. Either you tell me who my master is or give me decent information."

"Don't threaten her," Jagger hissed, materializing between Roxie and myself.

"Jagger, please, leave us alone."

"I can't. Not with you blurting out all these secrets," he stared me in the eye as he talked to her.

"We can trust her! I can feel it in my gut!"

"Roxie, Sir Integra will never want to be friends with you. All she wants is for our kind to become extinct, even if she is undead herself. She will never be a true vampire," he laughed bitterly, "Someone thought they could teach you a bit of sympathy by making you walk an eternity in their shoes. They were wrong; you can't teach a Hellsing new tricks," I felt a shiver go up my spine.

"Who are you to say that?" Jagger's eyes widened as Alucard appeared next to me.

"I'm just speaking the truth," he defended himself, a bit of a quiver in his voice as he inched back.

"Speaking the truth, or torturing a vampiress who already has enough on her mind?" Alucard questioned. Jagger snorted.

"Vampiress? Her master would never let her drink his blood."

"And you know who her master is?" Alucard challenged. Jagger was quiet.

He turned and touched Roxie gently on the shoulder before walking away. She glanced at me, looking like she wanted say something but then glanced at Alucard. She held up her left hand towards me and then jogged over to Jagger. Alucard glanced at me questioningly, but I shook my head. I didn't want to explain to him how she thought we were soul mates.

"Why did you come?" I asked him. He glanced away.

"You had already been tortured enough, between being up nearly all day and the Convention meeting and then Father Maxwell... Even if he is old enough to knock you around, I certainly wasn't going to put up with it once he crossed that fine line," I laughed.

"Okay, Alucard, let's try this again without the bs. Why did you come?" He grinned, looking back at me. Alucard wouldn't mind if an older vampire put me in my place, in fact if he wasn't trying to be sympathetic (and I wasn't his master), he'd be the one kicking me around.

His grin faded.

"That girl has accepted you as you are now. As any true vampire would, she's trying to teach you the ropes. However, he can only see you as a Hellsing, and rightfully so, he's trying to protect his kind. The problem forms with these two approaches; one pulling you in, one pushing you out."

"It's not like I asked her to be my friend. The only reason why I am close to her is because she knows who my master is," he chuckled.

"It must be painfully obvious to them, since they were there," he mused. His face went serious again, "She's a hazard to you. The more she tells you, the more of a threat you are to him, and the more likely he'll try to kill you," Well, that made more sense. Mr. Overprotective was a little sensitive to death threats aimed at his master.

He walked beside me in silence as we passed through a park. I glanced at the other strolling by; a few couples, some homeless fellow, a teenager or two. I couldn't help but feel thirsty.

"You've never been this comfortable around me," Alucard commented. I smirked.

"No, no I haven't," I realized.

"Why is that?"

"I have no idea. Maybe because I have fewer things to be afraid of, though I suppose I should still be afraid of you."

"Can I trust you with a secret?" I smiled as I looked at him.

"Yes."

"There is absolutely no reason for you to be afraid of me."

"Why?"

"Well, that's an entirely different secret, one of my darkest, best kept, most personal secrets."

"Because if you did do something to me, it would break the contract with Abraham?" I guessed. He laughed.

"No," he looked at me solemnly, "If I tell you, do you promise never to tell a soul? Especially Walter?"

"I can't promise anything," I teased. He twisted so he was in front of me, stopping us on a bridge that crossed over a river.

"I'm dead serious about this," he said firmly, "It's my greatest sin, and a disgraceful weakness," he was so sincere, so honest. Was the moonlight making him crazy, or was it just playing tricks on me?

"I promise," I murmured. He looked me in the eyes, his blood red eyes glittering like handsome rubies.

"I love you," he whispered.

Then, he suddenly turned around and kept walking as though he hadn't just shaken my whole world.

"Excuse me?!"

"I don't expect anything from you. I just needed to get it off my chest," he explained his sudden declaration.

I felt frozen to the spot, my head spinning. He was walking away, his head bent down, hands in his pockets. I felt something rise up within me, as I often felt around Alucard, but this time it overspilled, cascading out my mouth.

"Alucard, wait!" I commanded. He paused, "What if I love you, too?" I breathed. He glanced back at me, his eyes showing his disbelief.

He stayed in that position for a minute, and then slowly started walking back towards me.

"And what do you know about love?" He asked skeptically. I shook my head.

"Not much, to be honest, but enough to know what it is and isn't and that what I feel is love, not lust," I didn't feel like going on some long, sappy rant, so I left it at that. He must have understood what I meant, though.

He wrapped his arms tentatively around my waist, as though expecting a rebuke. I leaned gently into him, wrapping my arms around his neck. He cautiously leaned down and I rose up, closing my eyes. I won't go into details, but we didn't have to breathe. And Alucard was a terrific kisser.

So there I was, practically going to faint from happiness (or melt in his arms, whichever happened first), when Alucard stopped and let go. I turned around, ready to kill whoever interrupted us.

Walter stood there, gaping at us. I mentally cursed.

"Alucard...Miss Integra..." He stuttered.

"What are you doing here?" I asked levelly, feeling like I was about to die from embarrassment.

"I, I was going for a walk to stretch my legs and all of a sudden, I, I see you..." he trailed off, looking completely horrified.

I let go of Alucard. He moved away from me as though we were two teenagers caught by our parents. Not feeling like shouting across the expanse, I walked over to Walter.

He shook his head at me, that horrified expression still on his face.

"Integra, how could you? With Alucard? You might as well be selling your soul to the Devil," It almost felt that way.

"I'm a grown woman. I can make my own decisions," I said firmly. Just when Alucard decided to share his feelings about me, Walter decided to take a walk.

He glared at me.

"You would have never done this if you were still human," he said bitterly. I felt like he had just socked me in the stomach.

"Ye, yes I would have," he smirked wistfully, shaking his head.

"No, no you wouldn't have. The truth hurts more than it heals, and the truth is you aren't who you once were. You lost yourself and, unfortunetely, have made a disgrace of yourself as well."

"That's not true, Walter. I am still the same Sir Integral Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing," My tone was pleading.

He turned around.

"I'm not positive I can still serve you when my true master is dead," he said quietly.

&

I stormed down the hallways, brushing gently at my eyes. Just the thought of Walter leaving was unbearable, and because of me? Because of what I had become? Had I really changed that much?

Seeking sanctuary, I went into my office. The portrait of my father stared down at me condescendingly.

"Oh, shove off it! What's the difference between employing vampires and being a vampire myself?!" I screamed at it in frustration. His expression didn't change.

It was then I realized that the name Hellsing had been soiled. Half because of me, half because of that monster that had bitten me. Either way, I had lost, and I knew the condescending look of my father would never turn soft and loving again.

Unable to destroy it, I found a place for it in the attic, maybe in hopes of one day he will forgive me for what I had become.


	5. I kill and am killed

Disclaimer: I only own Roxie and Jagger.

Despite the scene with Jagger, Roxie didn't go away. In fact, she only became more bold when I didn't go for a walk for a few nights in a row.

"Sir Integra?" Seras asked. I looked up from a report.

"Yes, Seras?"

"A young girl wishes to see you, but personally I don't think-"

"Exactly; you don't think," Roxie brushed past Seras, glaring at her, "And you're closer to being a young girl than I am."

Her demeanor changed completely when she turned to me.

"Why haven't you been out lately?" She asked worriedly, approaching my desk. Seras glanced at us, and then decided I could handle myself if anything got out of hand and left.

"I thought it was pretty obvious that Jagger didn't want us hanging out anymore," I said.

"Yeah, and Alucard was really warming up to us as well," she said sarcastically, rolling her eyes, "Jagger's out of the city tonight and I was hoping you'd want to go get a bite to eat."

"Sorry, I already drank," I told her. Not as much as my thirst wanted, but I'd have to be careful or else risk loosing Walter.

"Well, then maybe we could just go for a walk downtown," she offered.

"I have work to do. Don't you have any other friends you could hang out with?"

"Yeah. They're waiting on us," Her big red eyes stared at me like a little puppy's. I sighed, unable to resist.

"Fine. But I don't want to be gone long," I muttered, slipping off my blazer and tie. She grinned.

"Oh, we could be in and out if you like. It's just that none of my friends believe that I'm friends with _the_ head of Hellsing."

"We're not friends," I clarified. She giggled.

"Yeah, whatever."

We ran to the other side of the city, towards the rundown section that most people tended to avoid. She ushered me inside of an especially dilapidated shack. I tensed immediately, wishing I would have thought to bring some sort of weapon. She laughed, ducking into a closet.

"Come on, Integra," she said exasperantly, sounding like she was quite a ways down. Once I went into the closet, I noticed the hole and saw her eyes glowing in the dark up at me. I jumped down.

She guided me down a stone hallway, to a set of wooden double doors bolted shut. The bolts flew back at Roxie's approach. Walking through the door was like walking into another world.

It was an underground city with every cultural influence you could imagine, sweeping down like a valley from where we stood. There were small huts and large Roman-influenced arcitecture. There were pueblo-type buildings and Victorian mansions. It was dark, with very few lights compared to the city above.

We took a dirt road down into the city, where the road was paved with smooth cobblestones. There were vampires of all different races; Africans, Latinos, Asians, Indians and, sticking out like a sore thumb, Americans. Different dialects swarmed around us as we wove through the largest group of vampires I had ever seen. And no one was fighting, which was incredible to a woman who hadn't seen more than five vampires get along at once.

"Welcome to the underground, where all the benevolent vampires hang out," Roxie announced.

"This...this is incredible," I said honestly. She grinned.

"And Jagger said you wouldn't appreciate it. See, from the first time I saw you, I knew that you were going to be a good vampire. I mean, once you adjusted. You're pretty much adjusted now, though, so I thought it was time to introduce you to a different breed of bloodsuckers than you're used to," she walked underneath a canopy, into a sort of social hang out.

A trio of young women looked up and smiled at Roxie.

"So, you convinced her to come?" One of them said.

"Yeah, after telling her that Jagger was out of the city and unleashing the powerful puppy dog pout. Ladies, this is the infamous..." she glanced around, "Uh, you-know-who. You-know-who, these are my friends. Accalia..." She motioned towards a young woman of Indian descent, her black hair swept back in a tight, neat bun. She was wearing traditional clothing and gold bangles. Her eyes were a deep scarlet.

"...Saima..." She was a beautiful Chinese (Japanese?) girl, her black hair cut short into a bob. She wore a denim skirt and a white blouse. Her eyes were a few shades lighter than Accalia's.

"...and Usha," I was tempted to say she was Russian because of the name, but I have never been good with telling people's cultural backgrounds. She had long curly blonde hair with porcelain white skin. She was wearing a long sleeve sky blue shirt and faded black jeans. Her eyes were a light red, almost pink in color.

"Nice to meet you ladies," I said politely.

"The pleasure is ours," Accalia said. Roxie sat down and I followed her lead.

It felt like my first Convention of Twelve meeting again, being surrounded by those older and more experienced than I. They were kinder than I thought they ought to be, but unlike the Convention, they weren't biased by my age or my gender. Theirs was mainly based on my occupation and probably the fact that I had sent out orders to kill those close to them. I stayed quiet, speaking only when spoken to, trying to show that I knew my place.

Would God forgive me if I overlooked this city? They weren't hurting anyone.

Just as I thought this, I felt someone behind me.

"I knew if I told you I'd be gone, you'd bring her here. And I've run out of patience with her," I twisted out of my chair and faced him.

Jagger's eyes were dark, lethal, and devoid of any emotion other than thirst.

"Didn't you hear what she just thought? She's not going to hurt us," Saima spoke. Jagger glared at her.

"How can you trust her? She's nothing but a vile, hypocritical murderer, just waiting for her opportunity to strike. Just like her fathers before her, and you're an idiot to think she'd be any different," I slowly started to back away.

"I suppose I should be going now," I said wryly. I nodded at the group, "Pleasure meeting you ladies."

"The feeling's mutual," Accalia assured me, smiling. I slipped away into the crowd, making my way back to above ground.

I felt like I was being followed. I glanced out of the corner of my eye and saw Jagger close on my heels.

"You're going to have to go faster if you want to make it to the safety of Alucard's shadow in time," he murmured.

"I'm not looking for a fight, Jagger. I won't even come here again, okay? Just leave me alone."

"No. Because people don't change that quick, and you will never stop hurting our kind."

The door didn't open when I came up. Jagger snickered.

"Stuck, aren't you? Pathetic fledgeling," he jeered. The door opened, "Don't even know a simple mind trick. But I suppose it's not your fault you were abandoned," he motioned me forward, "Hellsings first," he sneered.

I started walking faster down the hallway. He was right on my heels.

"The minute you're in the shack, you're mine," he hissed.

I jumped from side to side up the hole and then sprinted as fast as I could away.

He came up beside me, easily keeping up.

"Don't tell me that _the_ Sir Integra is _running_."

"Don't mock me! I'm smart enough to know when to stand and fight and when to run!"

I ran into the middle of traffic, weaving in between oncoming cars. Jagger easily flipped himself over an SUV and landed in front of me. I veered to the right, but he was already there. I jerked to the left and he followed close behind.

He was herding me. Why, and to where?

I dodged pedestrians, trying to blend with them. Jagger called my bluff and forced me away from them. He was pushing me towards the outskirts of the town. So, he didn't want a scene, did he? I ducked down into the subway.

We danced around the crowds, he never relenting, I never giving up, even as I felt the hopelessness of the situation. I had no where near the experience or power that he did, and he knew the city better than I. But that's what he wanted. He wanted me to lie down and let him destroy me. And as I thought this, I could see the twinkle in his eyes that told me that that was exactly what he was thinking.

And then, he pinned me onto the tracks. I had been stupid to let him drive me into the tunnel, and even stupider to not realize until now that this was his intent. I squirmed under him, which lit up his face.

"Yes, yes this is a more fitting revenge than to bite you," he said. He sighed, "Poor Integra. Born and raised in hatred, grief, and ignorance. Perhaps if God had given you a different family to be a part of, then I wouldn't have to kill you to protect my kind," I fought harder as the light of the subway train fell across us, the tracks vibrating from the motion.

He laughed, looking down at me pityingly.

"Would it satisfy you? Would it help you rest in peace if I said that I was your master? Would it help at all?" He asked, before leaping off to the side. It was too late.

The train ground me like mince meat, the front half decapitating me before I could scream. Pain shot through my body as the wheels rolled over and crunched my bones. The motion tossed me around underneath the beast, giving me a sense of vertigo. I tried to scream, tried to call for help, anything to get me out of this hell. My skull was smashed open and everything went black.

It was a strange feeling. I felt like I was suspended in water; below me a dark red lake and above me a warm, glowing gold light. I struggled to move, but I couldn't. I just didn't have the strength.

"_Yes, you do. Fight, Integra, fight!_" Alucard screamed hysterically. I felt my eyes blink, "_Come on. Master, please, please pull yourself together. Get up, stand!_" He urged. I had never heard him so...unnerved.

Pull myself together. I closed my eyes and willed myself. Willed myself to get the strength, to heal.

I opened my eyes...they were covered by my hair. I carefully raised a hand and brushed it out of my face. I ached all over. I forced myself up. I was drenched in my own blood, my body covered in lacerations. I forced myself onto my feet, but soon fell against the tunnel wall.

"_It's a start. Now, come on. Come back home,_" Alucard's voice murmured in my ear as though he had been standing beside me.

I inched my way along the wall, feeling my strength slowly returning. Where was Jagger? Did he give up on me? How late was it? And why wasn't I dead?

&

"Oh dear Lord, Integra!" Walter exclaimed. I moved away from his touch.

"I'm fine, Walter."

"You're covered in blood!"

"It's nothing; I'm fine. Could you get me some Advil, please?" I grabbed the railing before he could tell how injured I really was.

However, Seras must have scented my blood, because she came out of wherever she had been pretty fast.

"Sir Integra! You look like you've been run over by a car!" She exclaimed. I smirked.

"Subway train, actually," Walter's and Seras's eyes widened in horror. I moved up the staircase, "I don't really wish to talk about it, it's really quite humiliating," I murmured. Neither of them followed.

I showered and changed clothes. It had been several hours since I had left. Jagger must think me dead. I went into my office and found Alucard staring out the window, hands in his pockets.

"I'm never trusting you to deal with such issues by yourself again," he muttered. He turned to me, "Jagger is old enough to be your grandfather, and he's advanced for his age. Why you would do anything to cross his path is beyond me."

"Did you know about the underground?" I asked him. He laughed bitterly.

"So that's what you were up to with that whelp? Yes, I knew about it. I didn't think it was of any consequence, so I never brought it up."

"It's not of any consequence," I said, taking my seat at my desk.

"Why did you take it down?" Alucard asked, staring at the hook where my father's portrait had been.

"Because I let him down. I've let my whole family down," I sighed. Alucard came to my side.

"I don't think you could ever let your father down. You're doing the best you can do with a horrible situation with the same dignity, pride, and determination I have always known you to wield," he wrapped his arm around me. I leaned into him.

"And the rest of the family?"

"To be honest, I think they would have disowned you. They were a bit set in their ways to accept you," I purposely inhaled. He smelled warm, inviting, the opposite of what he was on the outside.

I sat there, inhaling his scent like he was made of cocaine. He didn't object to it, verbally or physically, so I continued, thinking.

"I think Jagger's my master," I finally broke the silence.

"Really," Alucard grunted indifferently.

"It was something he said to me tonight, right before the train ran over me. "Would it help you rest in peace if I said that I was your master?" Why would he say that?" I asked.

Before Alucard responded, the door opened. I tried to pull away, but Alucard held onto me stubbornly. Walter looked rather cheerful, that is, until he saw Alucard with his arm wrapped around me.

"I thought we discussed this," he said to Alucard coldly, setting a tray down on my desk. It was a dish of blood with a spoon and a couple tablets resting beside it on a napkin.

"Yes, we discussed it. Doesn't mean I'll yield to your wishes," Alucard responded. He looked at the tray and snorted, "Now, everytime I complain about pains after getting blown to pieces, you tell me to suck it up."

"This is only my second time dying," I insisted.

"Well, it doesn't get any more fun," Alucard let go of me and brushed by Walter on his way out.

"What is up between you two?" I asked. Walter's glare softened as he turned to me.

"I'm worried about you. Especially with Alucard."

"Why?" I didn't see the sense in telling him that he had been worried since the day I was born about me, especially around a thirsty Alucard.

I pulled the tray closer to me. He sighed.

"I have no doubt that his intentions are true; Alucard is a gentleman among gentlemen when it comes to treating a lady with respect. But I suppose that is the problem," I dipped the spoon into the blood, but then decided drinking in front of him wouldn't improve things between us. I set the spoon down, "Integra, this is the first time you've ever fallen in love before, but Alucard is no stranger to love. He knows it when he feels it in his cold, dead, unfunctioning... Anyway, he is tired of beating around the bush with women, and I'm afraid of him rushing you when really you should be taking your time," I smirked.

"If that's what you're so nervous about, then, I'll pull the "master" card out on him. I may have lost a lot of myself, but I haven't lost my mind," Walter nodded.

"Aren't you thirsty?" He asked, his voice filled with concern.

"Yes, I, I didn't want to bother you," I stuttered, the question shocking me. He shook his head.

"It's not the actual drinking of blood that disgusts me. It's their lustful nature, and that's what I'm afraid you're turning towards."

&

In the early afternoon, I snuck down into the basement, my eyes darting nervously about. It suddenly occured to me that I had no clue how heavily Alucard slept. I prayed that he would stay asleep long enough for me to slip out of the mansion at the very least.

I phased through the door and into his bedroom. His coat was draped over a chair as though inviting me to take it. I glanced at the coffin. He didn't stir. Please let him be sleeping. He'd kill me if he knew what I had come here for.

I reached into his coat. Sure enough, I felt cold metal. I wrapped my hand around the handle of his .454 Casull, tucked it into my blazer, and swiftly ran out.

The more I thought about it, the more it made sense Jagger would be my master. Maxwell would have said if he had seen any other vampire, and Roxie would have hinted if there had been. Maybe the reason for her silence wasn't because my master would kill her; maybe the reason for her silence was because she was trying to protect him.

My prayers were granted. I had managed to slip out of the mansion and into the city without anyone catching me. _Where are you, Jagger?_ I wondered furiously, _I don't want to waste my time tracking you down._

"_Not going to take your defeat lying down, are you? Fine; meet me at the abandoned warehouse down by the underground. We'll do this the classic way,_" A mental image of the warehouse he was speaking of flashed through my mind.

I started jogging, thinking about the mounds and mounds of meaningless work I had to do still, and about how to kill him with my bare hands. I'd storm in, face him head on instead of trying to sneak up on him. He probably knew what I was thinking, anyhow.

I came to the warehouse and decided to use the front door. Roxie was in there, too, arguing with him about something. I was coming in, coming in...

I aimed the Casull. He glanced around, confused.

"Guess I know a simple mind trick after all," I said, standing behind him.

Once he turned around, I pulled the trigger. The silver bullet hit him right between the eyes. He disintegrated into ashes instantly.

Roxie screamed as she fell to her knees. Heartwrenchingly. Agonizingly. Trails of blood tears spilled from her eyes as she sobbed.

"Jagger, Jagger, Jagger, Jagger, Jagger..." she chanted, clutching at her sides. The chant broke off into harder sobs.

She glared up at me.

"WHY?! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?! I THOUGHT, I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS! I TOOK YOU UNDER MY WING AND, AND YOU..." Her yelling broke off into more sobs as she pulled the only thing left of him besides ashes out. His wedding ring.

She got to her feet and stumbled towards me. But she stopped halfway, shaking her head.

"I can't even hurt you back! Can't even have my revenge, or avenge his death, because your stupid pet will tear me to pieces!" She started breathing hard, angrily, "So you wanna know who your master is?! You wanna recover those memories you've been dying to remember?! Well, don't say I never tried to protect you!" She stared into my eyes.

Flashing before my eyes were typical, daily activities. Putting my glasses on, brushing my teeth, taking a shower, dressing, saying good morning to Walter. But then I heard myself say, "I doubt it will be. I have a meeting with Enrico tonight." But the lost memories flashed by too fast for me to distinguish anything else. Walking out the door, Alucard talking to me, me meeting with Maxwell, refusing the garlic bread, Maxwell and I yelling heatedly at each other. Me leaving Sergio's alone.

And then, a third vampire I hadn't even considered came up behind me, coaxed me into the alley, lied about straightening my tie, took it off and unbuttoned the first couple buttons of my blouse.

And I was too blind to see his intentions.

&

Next update will be the concluding chapter. Please review.


	6. I find out the identity of my master

Disclaimer: I only own Roxie and Jagger.

I fired. Again and again. The paper target twisted round and round on its string, unable to withstand the bullets. I lowered the gun as the magazine ran out. The paper fluttered down, less than an eighth of the original target intact.

I should feel guilty for killing Jagger, but I didn't. Not that I could think much past my new memories, but I tried. I suppose it was because I knew that if I hadn't have killed him, he would have come back and finished me off.

Now I could pick out specific memories, instead of the flashes before. It was even worse, hearing what he had said to me, exploiting me. But even more painful was the fact that Alucard hadn't stopped me from walking out the door. He had only foreshadowed what was to come, and I should have picked up on his warning.

He had stopped me before I left that night.

"Integra," he had called to me. I had stopped and turned towards him. I did notice the tortured, sad look in his eyes, but said nothing about it, "Are you prepared to die?" I had furrowed my brow at the strange question.

"What?"

"They say you should live your life without regrets, in case you leave and never come back. Are you at peace with yourself? Could you die right now without regrets?" Just a riddle, I had told myself. Just Alucard being Alucard.

"I don't have regrets," I lied. I wish I hadn't. He had ducked his head.

"Then don't keep Father Maxwell waiting."

"Sir Integra!" Seras's voice brought me back to the present tense.

"I'm right here, Seras. No need to shout," I murmured, setting the gun down.

Seras trotted up, smilng. Strolling behind her, taking his sweet time, was Alucard.

"There you are! Master said that you were around here somewhere. The mission went smoothly," she reported.

"Good," I said. Seras tilted her head.

"Are you all right?" She asked.

"There's a traitor amongst us," I said icily. She jumped back a little.

"Who? When did you find out?"

"This afternoon. The Cowardly Master has finally been found out," Alucard gazed levelly at me, showing no particular interest.

"Has he?" He muttered.

"Yes. One of my own men. One of my best men," My hands balled into fists.

"I'm so sorry," Seras sympathized.

"Me, too," I hissed.

Seras glanced between Alucard and I. Sensing the tension, she gave a lame excuse and left. Alucard didn't move, or look me in the eyes.

"So, Roxie told you?" I gritted my teeth at his casualty.

"I can't believe you, Alucard. You, of all the vampires in the world! I thought you had more respect, or restraint, than to damn me to hell for your own selfish reasons!"

"Everyone deserves a little self indulgence."

"Not at the expense of another's life! Not only did you condemn my soul, but you stood back and watched while I jumped to conclusions!"

"Don't try to blame Jagger's death on me," he warned. I shook my head, folding my arms as I held back tears.

I couldn't speak for several minutes for fear of loosing control over my tear ducts. My voice cracked from emotion when I did speak.

"Why, Alucard?! Why did you do this to me?!" I cried out like a child. Alucard's cold eyes turned on me.

"Because I love you," he shook his head, looking even more tormented, "You don't understand; I know you don't. Because you see this as me hurting you, me drinking your blood like you're just another human, as if being a vampire is the end of the world. You don't know what it's like; waking up every night wondering if you'll die or are already dead. Wondering how I can possibly protect you from this world's dangers. But even if I could prevent every single potential scrape with death, fight off every demon and took out every danger in your life, it would never be enough. One day, your fragile, fragile human body would just give up on you and I would be left here, alone, suffering through my existence. Porcelain's easier to preserve than a human!" He shook his head again, "I just couldn't bear the thought of that day coming. I love you."

"I'd rather you let me die than become your fledgeling!" I screamed, storming away.

"You aren't my fledgeling," he said softly. I paused brieftly, "I let you drink my blood that night. You are your own vampiress."

"I'll never forgive you for this," I snarled, slamming the door behind me. Acting like a child again.

Who was I kidding? Of course I'd forgive him, eventually. I loved him. But did that necessarily mean I'd turn into a vampire just to spend eternity with him? No. And now I had to live with the choices he made. Walter had been right about Alucard all along.

Even if I did forgive him, the scars would never fully heal. I could never go back, could never be human again. Now I regretted ever trying to find out who my master was.

&

_"Alucard!"_

_"Did I startle you, Master?"_

_"No, I just didn't expect you."_

_"You smell like garlic."_

_"That's not a surprise. The whole restaurant reeked of garlic."_

_"Did you have any?"_

_"No. I know how offended you get when I do eat garlic."_

_"Thanks for the consideration; the stench doesn't leave you for days. You'll still have to shower when we get back, before you stink up all of headquarters."_

_"We?"_

_"I'm not going to have you stay out here and wait for Walter for another hour. What kind of gentleman would I be?"_

_"Gentlemen don't suck other's blood. An alleyway?"_

_"It's a short cut. Don't you trust me?"_

_"Yes, but it's starting to rain. What are you doing with my tie?"_

_"Straightening it. It's crooked."_

_"You're not straightening it. You're taking it off._

_"How very observant of you. You look prettier without it."_

_"Since when do you care... What the heck are you doing with my shirt buttons?"_

_"Unbuttoning them. You always do your shirts to the top button. It's not a sin if you'd unbutton a few. Besides, if I was doing anything of that sort, it would be indoors."_

_"How respectful. What are you doing, though?"_

_"Nothing...something."_

_"Alucard..."_

_"Just trust me. It's for the best. Don't scream, please."_

_"Alucard! Alucard, no!"_

_"Go to sleep now, my dear Integra. It will all be over soon, and you won't remember a thing. I love you. I truly do."_

**End**


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